I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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