I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I love you.
Bad choice
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