U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
