i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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