We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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