The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
