when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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