I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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