I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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