There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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