GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
