Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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