Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
