Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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