well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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