I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
