did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
