DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
