New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
