South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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