Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
