I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
