You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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