At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think I sprained my soul last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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