I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
