Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
