Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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