True but thats because hes a fetus.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
time to smoke my breakfast
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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