Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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