Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You can't special order awesome
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
