there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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