I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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