Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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