my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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