this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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