I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
