I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
