What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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