my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We left an ass print on the piano.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
