cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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