Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
