I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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