Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
