Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
