Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
