every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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