Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
