I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
