Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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