Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
