No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
