I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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