her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
