K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
